I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
