you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he thought i was a dude.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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