I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
