Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
