I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
