i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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