I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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