i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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