There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
