i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
