I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
