I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
