Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
