she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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