Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jerry, you need to find god
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
