dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
