bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
