This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
