you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
