he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
