Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
