I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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