So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize