we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
