They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
