I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
