Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
last night I used snow as a chaser
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
