i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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