I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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