i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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