wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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