Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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