How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want nice things and good sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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