His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
