Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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