So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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