Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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