i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
