Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
