I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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