I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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