I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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