I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
