i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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