Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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