Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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