What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
