We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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