Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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