I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
