Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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