Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
