Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
