throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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