I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
