Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
