pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
