i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
