Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
