I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
