WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
