I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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