I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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