I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
