i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
