it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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