im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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